Trail 72 - Animal House Furry Hash

Hash Trash
MountainBeers Trail 72 - Animal House Furry Hash
by Double Dribble

So here's what i remember. We started at Nexi-Can-I's place, where there was a cooler filled with jungle juice and fruit. The hares wanted an unreasonable head start and the beer had to come back out of the house to kill some time.

We took off and did a good job making it to the first beer near, a place Reverend called Shantytown. We tried - somewhat successfully - to remember No Caulk Included's awesome weekday song and took a few pics. Rip n Dip stole the lone prized possession of the homeless person clearly squatting by the river, a tennis racket (naughty-naughty).

After that, we backtracked, as instructed, to the main path (it's the paved one we end up on a lot). The cover of darkness and inexperienced hashers made for some confusion. I was separated from the group with two others (Dick Ninja and a NFHN, I think). We finally found our way back and met up with the rest of the hares near Clutch I think. A few more blocks and we tried to solicit more virgins to join, but lazily they declined.

We made our way into the woods, only to find that the platform overlooking the gorgeous industrial plant was removed and we had to rest in the dirt. A long round of "i used to work in Chicago" was enjoyed by all. One virgin even added "respect she wanted, and respect she got because I'm a nice guy".

On on up the hill and through some shiggy. We wound up back in town and made it to the third beer near. I have no idea where this place is. We had jello shots once we arrived there. There's an overturned couch at the end of the road and a shiggy hill behind the couch. To the right is a wall of rock and it's covered with fencing to hold it I believe. Many hashers were vallef upon to recount the stories that earned them their names, including liq her and hog tied. From there everyone knew mexi-can-is place was the last stop, and the last leg was a leisurely stroll for some. I ended up talking to Josh Kurnott and mexi-can-is neighbors and missed most of circle. Apparently border patrol called herself into circle for something.

Trail 69 - Rave Hash

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MountainBeers Trail 69 – Rave Hash
by Free Sexx

The hash started off promisingly enough. By the end of the trail we had lost two-thirds of our virgins and one lucky hasher wandered off into his own world.

A surprising number of hashers showed up to the Garden of Genes entirely too early. Half-Minds can’t be expected to double check for a different start time. The lengthy pregame ritual didn’t seem to bother anyone, especially with the gay-pride Chewbacca entertaining us with tales of epics past. Two hours later, the literate MountainBeers arrived ready to r*n. Border Patrol and Rip n Dip ran ahead to lay trail.

After chalk talk, one anonymous hasher led a few hounds through the Mushroom Forest to embark on an entirely different sort of adventure. Now that all forms of pre-r*n ritual were complete, the MountainBeers began following the trail of flour, weaving in and out of the dark alleyways of South Park. The first beer near was but a short and uneventful distance from the beer garden. Passing under the Walnut Bridge and a cheering porch of local college students, we arrived at Mexi Cani’s homestead.

Beer Near #1
Remnants of Dick Ninja’s naming from last week were still scattered about the porch when we arrived. We re-hydrated with everyone’s least favorite beer-water – Natty Light. Mexi Cani thought it would be polite to serenade his neighbors with a lengthy version of I Used to Work in Chicago. Ever the philosophical mind, NFHN Gold shouted metaphysical verses at us throughout the song. On to the next stop… but WAIT, our frightened little virgin hares needed thirty minutes advance time. Neveryoumind, there was plenty more beer to drink during the interlude.

We crossed a couple more bridges and a fancy dog park before someone shouted “Shot Check!” entirely too early. Could this just be an incredibly short trail? No! Thirty minutes wasn’t enough head start for our fresh-faced hares, so they decided to reward us with a shit-infested impromptu shot check on top of a sewage drain. That will teach our racists to r*n so fast!

Shot Check #1
We choked down shots of Burnett’s Whippy amidst a shit-storm. Our absent hasher, Betweener Buns, heard what must have been a shitty rendition of Yogi Bear all the way across the river in Westover. Several anonymous hounds sprawled out on the ground watching the mushroom kingdom sparkling in the night sky for the duration of the stop. On to the longest leg of the trail. The hounds were quite pleased with the change of pace from last week. Namely, no god damn hills! Very quickly we noticed the flour markings becoming sparse and further between. The hounds began shedding glow sticks to make up for the missing flour.

Shot Check #2
We learned at the second shot check that the virgin hounds were almost out of flour. We pounded a couple more shots in the muddy riverside of the Arboretum. Double Dribble and ReSquirttle thought that the mud was romantic enough for some public fondling. They quickly disappeared into the woods hoping to earn a sex-on-trail badge, only to be discovered by Dick Ninja while he was innocently watering a tree.

The hares asked for another half hour head start. The hounds were getting antsy once the bottle of Burnett’s was finished and we left halfway through the count. Only now we faced the daunting hill behind the Coliseum. By this time, two of the three virgins escaped back into normal life. We also lost Dick Ninja on the Evansdale campus. He was last seen staring into the sky whispering gibberish to himself about fighting samurai. There is a high probability that he is still wandering around the area lost.

The hares finally ran out of flour in front of the WVU President’s mansion. We spent some time having an illegal amount of fun while waiting on the rest of the pack. Everyone walked the rest of the way to Raunchy Reverend’s house for circle. Rip n Dip played some dance music for on some fancy computer setup that he probably stole. Sadly, we ran out of our beer stock before we could call any noname wankers in for questioning.

Trail 59 - White Trash Hash

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MountainBeers Trail 59 - White Trash Hash

by Cock Fight

It was the trashiest, hashiest hash ever! The 59th MtnBH3 White Trash Hash was hared by Ole Facefull & Wyld Stallion. Trail started near Marios at Facefulls place. 17 trashy hounds showed up, tramp stamps, preggo bellies, trucker hats n more. We were lookin good. The weather was hot and even more humid so in white trash fashion, well, we were pretty lazy. Wetspot is our all-time walker, and I do believe he was ahead of me half the trail... 

The first BN was just past a lovely doublewide mobile home, it had a small yard but they made every foot count with various plastic kiddie pools, swingsets, and car parts. We took a trashy photo and moved on trail, running through Sabraton, and eventually moving into the Forest Ave trails, where we found our next BN amidst a wooded bridge. I should point out that the honorable hares splurged a bit and had some fancy beer on trail. I decided Miller Lite was just too classy for my taste buds and stuck with the Busch.

After this it was on-in. There was a trail laid, but I(CockFight) wouldn't know that.. I was distracted by a stray cat, which wasn't friendly, decided to take a piss, and was interrupted by NFHN Ryan & Virgin Maggie who informed me I was pissing behind the on-in house... Yes yes, we shortcutted, but we knew our punishment was cumming, and took our down-downs. 

In circle we pondered some namings, heard a fantastic story from Liqher Hard(if you weren't there, you'll want to ask him sometime), and drank our hearts out. 

A short hash, but an enjoyable one. Props to the hare/harriette. A good time was had by all.

Trail 58 - You Gon' Get Wet

Hash Trash 

MountainBeers Trail 58 - You Gonna Get Wet 

by Well Drilled

Trail laid by veteran hares CockFight and TurdBurglar! It was the shiggiest, waterfalliest, water ballooniest, water water everywhere hash mountainBEERS has ever had! We were soaked after our awesome kickball game when mother nature decided to get us WET which was a great start to You Gonna Get Wet. Then we shiggied our way to and through white park where we had a massive water balloon fight at the first BN the hares so graciously set up in advance. Man was there a lot of rubber! We continued to follow our hounds on a shiggylicious adventure to the reservoir and when the hounds arrived, there were inflatables (crocodiles, whales, loungers, oh my!) already BLOWN up and the BEER and the HARES were floating in the middle of the reservoir. ON-IN to the water you glorious hashers to get somma dat second BN! 

New hounds and shy hounds stood in for lifeguard duty as the brave hounds dove in to get some libations. Squirt gun fights and beer galore until we left the reservoir and continued on the trail to a raging waterfall. Here some hounds got out of hand so we had to throw in some stern words and continue on the trail to BN#3. It was a hash full of adventure, fun, and shiggy! All the hounds were thoroughly impressed with the hash-planning shittiness of CockFight and TurdBurglar. whoop! whoop! Best summer hash yet!