The MountainBeers Hash House Harriers are the premier drinking club of Morgantown, WV.
The advent of MBH3 is the stuff of legend. The bards have passed down the tale through the eons with their majestic song. In the autumn of 2012, LiqHer Hard was visited by the Ninkasi, goddess of beer and wine, while hiking in the woods. Unhappy with the weekly offerings of Morgantown residents, Ninkasi threatened to ravage the town by fire."No!" exclaimed our hero, "That will not do. I shall erect a shrine that will bring in offerings of drink and debauchery worthy of your glorious beauty."
“Then
it shall be so,” said Ninkasi, her voice echoing through the
forest. “You will face many perils along the way. Take with you a
great warrior, a shaman, and a medicine man to aid you on your
quest.”
LiqHer Hard knew just where to find half-minds crazy enough to risk their lives to save the town. He readied his chariot for the Garden of Gene’s. The garden was flush with blooming red Budweisers and flowing yellow Yuenglings. A flaming Busch Light showed the way. As he rounded the first corner he noticed three men well into their spirits. Just like the name LiqHer Hard, their names echo through the annals of history – Cock Riot, Reverend von Raunchy, and Dr. Flatus.
Our heroes began their journey in the Great Hidden Library of Spruce. They were greeted with a beautiful song echoing through the grand old halls. “The Sirens Four,” whispered the Raunchy Reverend, too frightened to be heard. “They say that their beauty is enough to turn a man’s head inside out.”
The Sirens Four descended upon the men before his words had time to dissipate in the wind. Cock Fight found himself drawn to the seductive song. He fell swiftly into the arms of Climaximum, Betwixt Thine Buns, Twice Dribbled, and Southern Patrol. Were it not for his blood rushing in a southerly direction, Cock Fight’s brain would surely have exploded with lust. It looked as though our heroes would perish before the journey had even begun.
“No!” exclaimed our hero, "That will not do. Leave him - he cannot be saved.”
The remaining heroes continued their quest, jealous of the cries of ecstasy left in their wake. They passed the High Bridge of Bull Run and fought their way through a mighty blizzard, the likes of which this world had never seen. Finally they arrived at the gates of Hashbury. As LiqHer Hard reached he was stopped by a stream of fire bouncing off of the wooden gate. His gaze turned to the skies, where he saw the dreaded Hash Dragon. The Hash Dragon is a more evolved form of dragon whose fireballs are made of whiskey. Before he could react, a thick stream of whiskey found its way into the mouths of Dr. Flatus and Reverend von Raunchy. He tried to lull the dragon to sleep with the song of his people, to no avail. They would soon find themselves poisoned to death.
“No!” exclaimed our hero, "That will not do.” He pulled out his ancient communication devise, known as an iPhone, and sent word to his old friend Cock Fight. “Bring forth the Sirens Four,” he demanded.
The Hash Dragon ceased his deadly attack at the first sight of the new arrivals. The beast raised its mighty back, ready to unleash a fresh stream on the unarmed ladies. But the Sirens Four possessed a greater strength. All four slowly disrobed while drinking in the dragon’s offering. The bright light emanating from their naked figures hit the Hash Dragon at once, overloading their foe’s carnal senses. He began to choke on his own breathe, writhing on the ground in ecstasy. The Hash dragon was tamed.
As
the dust settled at the gates of Hashbury, the goddess Ninkasi
re-appeared. She was quite pleased with the offering. “I dub
thee, the MountainBeers Hash House Harriers!”
